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What family activity do you think contributes the most to creating
joyful family living?
True play is one of the cornerstones of healthy childhood
development. Unfortunately, in our culture there are many
false concepts about play; therefore, families tend to lose
sight of true play and replace it with unsatisfying substitute
activities. Abundant noncompetitive play with your children
on their level, taking their lead, contributes the most to
creating joyful family living.
We delight in playing the games that our grandchildren make
up and direct. There is never any thought of winning or losing.
Keeping score is an adult idea; children would not naturally
do this. Use your creativity. Take a game like Monopoly and
pay no attention to the official rules. Make up new ones using
the same cards, hotels, and houses. You will find it is lots
of fun.
We often get questions about the teen years. When the family
consistently and genuinely plays together through the younger
years, we have found that the teen years are much more harmonious
than most families find them to be. Having fun every day enjoying
life together creates trust, honor, and caring that supports
a joyful family environment. Try it, you’ll like it!
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My son is a very bright boy, however, his report card would never give you that impression. I talk to him a lot about this and keep urging him to try harder. Nothing changes.
Perhaps you are unintentionally discouraging him. Try
this consistently for one month and see if there is a change:
Keep the conversation light when any discussion comes up
about his performance in school, sports, music, table manners
or anything else in which he might be engaged. Remark only
on the positive in an appreciative way. The negative may correct
itself. If it doesn't, choose a non-confrontational time to
present a better way. Do everything you can to help your son
save face and keep a good sense of self-esteem in tact.
Strive to get to the place where you don't express a desperate,
frightened attitude, but rather express faith and trust in
him. Above all, never say "Try harder." Every time
he hears that phrase he feels he has failed. It's like being
told over and over, "You have failed, there is something
wrong with you, you are bad, I'm very disappointed in you,"
etc. This is discouraging, a "downer." Soon it may
turn into, "Why try at all anymore?"
As often as you can, and with a smile, insert a substitute
phrase, "Do your best." This is encouraging, an
"upper." Everyone functions much better when up,
than when down. And there is nothing more wonderful than having
a parent who believes in you.
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I have two teenagers who never can remember their chores and other things I ask of them. It drives me crazy to be after them all of the time, (and I suppose it drives them crazy, too). Any ideas for this problem?
Understanding the development of the teen brain helps
to constructively approach family situations such as you describe.
Just because teens look like adults, parents expect them to
think like adults. This is an unrealistic expectation. Teens
cannot think like adults, because their brains are still developing--a
work in progress. That natural progress will sometimes include
irrationality, faulty decisions, and failure to carry through
on responsibilities. Adults should not expect otherwise. In
fact, the unrealistic expectations of the mature adult world
are often the cause of dissension between adults and teens.
Teen brains have difficulty with multiple directions. Instead
of giving multiple directions, give directions one at a time.
As you apply this principle to your family life, you will
experience greater family harmony.
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The weight of the responsibility of parenting is so
great that I can't imagine being able to relax enough to live
joyfully with my children. How would it be possible?
There are several principles, that when adopted and
applied, work together to create an atmosphere in which joy
can reside and thrive. One of the principles is "Honor
the true Self of the child." Another helpful principle
is: "Criticism cripples." Constant correcting is
very stressful for children. In reality, they long to be honored
and valued for who they truly are, rather than to ride the
"roller coaster" of being judged according to what
they do or don't do. As you trust the true Self of your children
and recognize their natural joy you can relax and let your
joy flow, too.
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Send your questions to us at winbill@sweetjoy.com
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